Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
