i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
