Porn is love you can see.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
