i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
