How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just cut my nipple shaving
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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