This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Quick, to the slutcave!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
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soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
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I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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