If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
