You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
