mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
This is the high leading the old right now
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
