Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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