Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You ever have a fart follow you around?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
