and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
