margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I looked at my own cervix.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
