so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
