Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
