Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
