Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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