she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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