Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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