Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
