I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize