oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
