My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
