I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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