No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The struggles of a small town man whore
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
