No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
