at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
