Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
