Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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