dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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