there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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