What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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