It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
