i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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