I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
