This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
