You just made me feel so damn special
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
then he tried to convert me to islam
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
