Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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