dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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