I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
