so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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