No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
