Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize