So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She announced her abortion via fbk
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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