something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
