Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
