I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
