I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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