someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize