its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
