She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
