I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
