you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Operation Purity has been aborted
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
