Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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