thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
