I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
