You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
