I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So much Jack, so little girl.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
