worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
