I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
