in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
