She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
