Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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