Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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