U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
