Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
