Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
