Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just blew my weed a kiss
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
